How to Make Your Marriage Last A Lifetime - Make Your Marriage Work

More and more couples of all ages are struggling in their marriages. At some point, every marriage goes through stuff, but today's suffering marriages seem like an epidemic.  Some are throwing in the towel with no more thought than tossing out an old pair of shoes. Others say they want a good marriage, but are not willing to do simple things to have a wonderful life with who used-to-be the person of their dreams. And some truly don't know what to do or where to start. It is for all three types of marriages mentioned that I write this.
Below is a compilation of observations, Scripture and what I have learned from others through the years. I've been married almost 34 years to the same man; most of them happily.  Maybe some of this will be helpful to you. 

I Have to Love Him/Her?

Yes, you do. In fact, technically, you have to love everyone, if you are a Christian. You might as well start with your spouse. Love is so much more than warm fuzzy feelings and hormones. It is responsibility to your spouse. There are times in a marriage when you don't feel love. Some will say they have fallen out of love. No, if you think you have fallen out of love, you haven't. You just changed your mind. Entering marriage is a sacred decision and every choice you make for the rest of your life impacts your spouse. Leaving the marriage is breaking your word. Not maintaining your marriage is breaking your word. A choice to show love to your spouse might be the hardest thing you have ever done.  But, it will be worth it. Many women misuse the Scripture in Ephesians by saying "Jesus never said I have to love my husband". Yes, he did, though not in those words. There are countless commands in the Bible to love one another. Even to love your enemies, which in some marriages, sadly, fits.


The reason marriages fail is quite simple and can be summed up in one word: Selfishness

Before you married your spouse, you loved nothing more than spending time with your her/him. It didn't matter what you were doing, if you didn't have much cash that week; the point was being together. You could spend hours talking. You found everything the other said interesting and tried new hobbies your intended was interested in, just to be together. You were unselfish.

Add a few years and a kid and a routine that is mundane and suddenly you realize this isn't as much fun as you thought it would be. So, you start going out with your friends after work. After all, you spouse can hold down the fort if you are later than the day care stays open. You deserve some "ME" time. You work hard, contribute to the household finances and take care of the kids. Maybe you even coach little league. On the outside, life looks good, but you don't feel like you can hold on. You might even be thinking about leaving the marriage. You aren't appreciated. You don't get enough attention. You aren't understood. You don't think it is fair. Maybe someday you will find someone who appreciates all you do. This paragraph could be a man or a woman.

But there is this really cute person at work. If you leave, you can hang with the new person more. It will be more fun. Just think, you can spend time talking, learning about the new one's life. You can try out new hobbies! And if you are short on cash, it won't matter...you enjoy being together.

Sound familiar? What if you put that energy into your spouse?

How do I do that?

I thought you'd never ask! Philippians 2:3-4 says: Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

What if we approached our marriages in this way? What if in everything you did you humbly considered your spouses interests? Why not? We consider another's interest when we want to impress them. Exactly. We tend to be such selfish creatures.

My pastor once challenged us to replace the word "interests" with other words like talents, health, finances, or any other word you can think of. Try it.  It may not be easy, but it will be worth it - you will be rebuilding your relationship.

Be Willing to Apologize

My husband and I once attended a marriage seminar thinking our marriage was so good, we could teach the class! What arrogance! We learned something that weekend that has made our fantastic marriage even better. We learned how to apologize. It is easy to mumble a quick "sorry" that says more by the tone than the word ever could and expect that to be the end of any disagreement. But try this: Look at your spouse - I'm talking eye contact. Take your spouse's hands and say "I'm sorry that I hurt you. Will you forgive me?" OUCH! That is a very hard humbling thing to do. Not, "I'm sorry IF I hurt you", but a true acknowledgment that I hurt you. Then, an honest plea for forgiveness.

I believe the best marriages put God first.  A relationship with him is the foundation for a great marriage.You can have a marriage that lasts your whole life. You can grow old together and support each other. You can look back at more great times than bad and you can be married to your best friend.

Your marriage must include trust and respect, concern and care. If it doesn't, it is up to you to change things. Why you? Because you are the one looking for answers. You are reading this information - it starts with you today.  None of this is easy.  Marriage takes work, but the rewards are worth it.